‘’I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your house and punch you in the face.’’
Sue Sylvester has never spoken truer words that express how I feel right now, Finn. You have been my favorite Glee cast member despite your incapability of holding a suave move like Mike or a high note like Kurt. Like hair gel to Blaine, Finn is to Leila. You are inFINNitely the only reason why I watch Glee.
However, while innocently strolling (stalking) your Twitter today, I noticed that it said I wasn’t following you. I thought, “how could this be? I’ve been following this Canadian hottie for nearly a year! Maybe I accidentally unfollowed”…but as I slid my finger to the follow button, I got this instead:
And wham! It was then…I was punched in the face. I stopped believin’ and stopped holding on to that feeeeeelin’. I felt the icy cold one would probably experience while living in Canada…or having a slushie thrown in your face.
I don’t understand. Was it something I said? Were my failed attempt at Lea Michele-esque bangs offensive to you? Why did this happen? What is life? Does this mean we can never have a mash-up of our own?
I feel as though I didn’t get a second callback for my Fanny Brice audition (I have the wrong nose…and I can’t sing). Or as though I lost sectionals (…because I can’t sing). My gleeful heart turned into stone. I am hurt, Cory Monteith. Really hurt.
So here is my open letter to you, you hunk of Canadian bacon, to forgive me for whatever I have done and unblock me.