How not to be “the douchebag”

This is a followup of my previous blog “Not all men are douchebags. But let’s be real, most of them are.”

First of all, I want to thank all the ladies who emailed me such positive feedback. Sometimes you need to hear it from the outside to finally stand your ground. And that’s totally fine. You never get anything right the first time….like a pancake or heart surgery. But by the time you open up your second cadaver, you know exactly NOT TO CUT THAT VEIN!!!

Anyway…

On the other hand, it seems like my blog offended people. Well of course it offended people. If you are going to assume that I am a lesbian that doesn’t shave (actually received a comment like that) generalizing all men and insinuating that every.single.one of them is a douchebag….well its gonna offend you. And that just ain’t my problem. The blog clearly singles out the douchebag and unless you are a douchebag, then there is no reason to get angry. Women can be douchebags, too. But my blog is about my observation as a woman. I dont get guys telling me their stories. If you have a story, confide in me and I’ll blog about it too!  I’ll take responsibility for my crude humor, but that’s just it. Im not trying to go to war with anyone and it was not a personal attack. Its was just my observation of stories I heard from my girlfriends. If you are a guy and afraid that you are a douchebag, dont panic.

Its not the end of the world. If you think you have douchebag traits, you can still change and its not that hard. I mean, dont get confused with having insecurities because everyone does and it is the most normal thing on earth. However, its how you portray your insecurities on others. So here, this blog is for the guys…

*Be fulfilled: there is nothing more attractive to a woman when he is fulfilled. He has his own life, his own ambitions, his own confidence…she is just one of his priorities not his only one. This will of course only work with a woman who is equally as fulfilled. When you two are both busy, you miss each other and the passion doesnt lose its spark. You’ll have something to talk about at the end of the day and nothing gets boring.

*Respect her boundaries: yes, this is the part where I bring up patriarchy. Now, dont assume that every woman who has boundaries is a braless feminist who wants ro castrate all men. But patriarchy exists and women react to it by trying not to get stomped by it. Dont expect her to give you her all because you are willing to. Listen to her, try to abolish her fears of it by not being a douchebag. Tread lightly and she will open up to you. 
*Good things come to those who wait: be patient. Simply put. Not only is she special, but so are you. Dont make any superficial decisions. Get to know each other. Both of you deserve that.

*Love is not a power struggle: no one should be in control of the love. If you go in intending to be in charge, you wont have any healthy relationships. Dont try and one-up each other. A sane woman wants a man to do his part so she can do hers. That’s it.

*If you’re trying to catch your crush’s attention, don’t do it by trying to make her jealous: really, how old are we? A mature woman will run away quicker than you can even find a new chick to mess with her head. She’s not stupid, she knows what you’re doing…it will only turn her off. And for the love of Earth, dont do it with one of her friends…its pathetic and she will pity you. This has happened to me and I almost cried, not because I was hurt, but because I felt so bad for the guy.

*Let your guard down: its okay to look weak sometimes. Women love a man in tune with his emotions because then they feel like they too can open up. Im not telling you to cry your eyes out every night, but if something is bugging you she will love that you trusted her. And if she is emotionally healthy, she will do the same.

*Finally, if you can’t be yourself 100 percent of the time…you need some more soul-searching: this is self-explanatory. Love yourself! Down with the status quo! You should never hide your character out of shame or embarrassment or whatever. Soon you will get tired of living a lie. If your chick is understanding, she won’t care about your weird habits of eating paper or if you pee sitting down (she would prefer that actually). She will just fall in love with you. Be yourself.

Anyway, this is what I would like from a guy. Im sure different women have different ideas…but most of the ones Ive talked to feel the same way that I do. Women, take note as well…these things can help you too. Now let us all hope and pray that this is my last relationship blog.

Happy loving!

Leila Saleh

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