Too many times a girlfriend of mine has come to me wanting a shoulder to cry on. I’ve decided to finally blog about it once and for all so I can share what I think.
So, what’s wrong exactly? Well for three years she was being chased. No not by the police for her overdue library book (I completely forgot I had it, I swear), but by a dude. A good-looking and what appears to be a well off man seeking her courtship. But wait, why’s she crying?! She should feel flattered by the attention! Because girls like attention, right? It’s all we crave! Well, I’ll tell you why she’s crying: male privilege. That’s why.
See, guys really do love a tough chick. A bonafide badass who can keep her own. She’s confident, sexy and can fix her own damn car. We can all agree that this is the ideal type for all men. Where the problem lies is how they choose to treat her. A mentally stable guy would put a ring on it before Beyonce can woah-oh-oh. A shy guy is intimidated and humbled, which is pretty cute. But a douchebag…a douchebag will attempt to destroy her. Why? Because he most likely envies her self-love.
Let us look at the qualities of a douchebag, shall we?
*A closeted misogynist: I mean he agrees with women’s rights and all and he’s good to his mama but he’s got more testosterone than you and its not HIS fault you weren’t as blessed.
*Emotionally unavailable: he couldn’t express his feelings even if someone wrote it down for him. He’ll probably pretend he couldn’t read just to get out of it.
*Ego bigger than the state of Texas: he’s always right. He doesnt say it because he’s “modest”, but he knows he’s the best looking guy on earth. Now don’t get confused, he doesn’t think you’re wrong but you’re ignorant so he can’t waste his precious time with someone who isn’t as intellectual as him.
*Charming: the life of the party. He’s got his hat strategically dipped below one eye and an apricot scarf. You know the rest.
*Sometimes emotional: only when it’s to talk about how one ex-girlfriend in highschool tore his wittle heart in half. That’s probably because she knew her self-worth and dumped his sorry ass. And you sit there and listen to his sob story, wanting to mend him. You’re gonna fix him!!!! You’re gonna show him real love.
These are just the basics. The most important one is that he is manipulative. That’s why you never even noticed these traits. Because he is a great actor. What is his choice of attack for putting on a great show? Playing hot and cold.
See let me put it this way. Everyone likes taking long, warm showers right? Its so relaxing and makes you forget your troubles. The steam, the bubbles, the smells…ahhh, how wonderful. But then someone flushes the toilet and the shock of the icy cold water hits your body ruining everything. Frantically you twist knobs to make things warm again, to take you to that place of comfort. Then it goes back to warm and you’re in that zone again. Then FLUSH! Panic. Warmth. Cold. And so on and so forth.
Oh why does this keep happening?
Because your pipes suck. And he is control of the toilet.Yup. I just compared a guy to a toilet. But that’s what they are…because they’re so full of shit. You can’t expect nice long showers if you don’t have adequate pipes. He’s going to keep doing that until you decide to repair your pipes. Its gonna cost a lot of money and discomfort. You might have to start taking showers somewhere else. But its the only way you’ll ever take a nice shower again.
Then when you do decide to do that, you’ll beat yourself up. How were you so stupid to live like that for so long? That’s where I come in.
I’m here to tell you: don’t be that girl that blames herself. Don’t hate yourself for being emotionally stable. He’s going to try and make it seem like you’re insane. You were the clingy one. You decided to stay. He was just riding along, innocently…he was following your lead. You were just having fun! He never expressed love for you so why are you getting upset?
But: you did nothing wrong by being naive. What do I mean by that? When was being naive a better option? Well in this case, it is. It means that you are a NICE person. You know now that you’re absolutely normal. Because you are a decent human being, you listen to cries for help and you genuinely want to help. Especially when you think a person loves you.
You are not a toilet. Unlike a douchebag, you know you can’t be strong all the time. And that’s okay.
What you do need to realize is this: not everyone wants to be helped. This is where you need to draw the line. None of that Tammy Wynette Stand-By-Your-Man bullshit. No, he’s not “only a man & doesnt know better” (male privilege)…he is a dipshit. You may think you already invested so much time and maybe one day he will understand. But he won’t. His ego stems from his insecurity and his ego must be fed to survive. Dont be his bait.
Go out. Get fit. Have fun. Do whatever makes you feel good. But don’t ever blame yourself for a douchebag. Just pray, like the good person that you are, that he doesn’t die alone because of his selfish actions. And move on. There’s no use in being hurt.