Because of the amount of feedback I got from my last blog, I decided to write one related to it- but this time, it’s about the guys. A few bros who took a liking to my last post informed me that they to suffer from the wrath of marriage. It is not the same issue, yet there is the same kind of pressure. Now, don’t be fooled by my sweet exterior (I know, I laughed too). When all the housewives of my village sit down for coffee and “married woman talk”, I pay close attention. Because that is when the gossip begins. My village gossips so much that we deserve to have our own news station. I can name a few hajjis that would be eager to correspond. But anyway, that is not the point. The point is that I hear stories and have taken the liberty of summarizing them for you all. So please, sit down, relax let me walk you through the wonderful traditions of marriage for Arab men.
Typically, in my village, boys are allowed ultimate freedom to do everything at the tender age of 16, (14, if they come from a wealthy family) staying out until 3am with the guys in Beirut, smoke, drive their dad’s Range Rover, get hundreds of dollars a week and blow it all on…well, they can’t even remember! Most of them flee to foreign lands, leaving mama and baba to get an “education”, also known as partying all night in a club where you won’t get caught by someone from your village. All is well, but then something happens. They fall in love. Now, nothing is wrong with falling in love. But it sure is hell wrong when this girl is either a) not Arab b) not a traditional Arab girl and c) not the one mama wants. And we all know, mama will always be the only woman in your life (she declared it herself, don’t worry) and no one wants to get on her bad side. You won’t dare utter a word of this relationship to her or she might convince your dad to cut you out of the will. And after years of living under her tyranny, he’ll do it as he has no other choice. He’s counting the days until he dies because it’s the only way he can escape her.
Ahem. Back to the “love” story. The young man and his secret girlfriend that everyone already knows about (those dang hajjis can’t keep their mouths shut!) keep their relationship going for years with the slightest hope that one day, his stone-henge living parents will maybe change their minds.
Until- SURPRISE!!!! Guess which one of your cousins needs a husband?! And guess who your mother appointed for the job? Her favorite guy EVER! YOU! 🙂
You can’t say no. You saw it coming. Mother dearest will convince you that she will be the greatest wife ever. I mean she can cook, clean and kinda read. What more can you ask for? Plus, she is mama-approved. No more questions. Any doubts will get you a slap in the face. 2 weeks later, you’re married and your former lover finds out on facebook. Ouch! But guess what? Cousin/wife has some good news for you….1 month into the marriage and she’s pregnant! Guess you’re stuck eternally….
My piece of advice? Start kissing up to your uncles now. One of them will be your father-in-law someday.
(disclaimer: my blog is a humorous one. No need to take offense. I am being sarcastic and stereotypical about like…99.9 percent of the time. If you don’t like it, I really really don’t care.)